post check

binasa ko ang aking recent posts, and i'm so disappointed.

it's so mundane.
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ampangit. kelangan cguro mejo mag isip muna ako bago magpost kasi... ang pangit nung mga recent posts ko... gusto ko tuloy i-delete. pero wag na lang, para maalala ko na pangit ang mga last posts ko at makagawa ako ng mas maganda.
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ano nga ba susulat ko?

napansin nio ba layout ko? bago na xa...

[i'm getting more and more mundane every minute]
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nagiging dull na ba ako?
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creativity check.
creative k p b? tingin ko, yes p nmn.
tingin mo masaya pa rin yung mga posts mo? uhmm... can i call a friend?
kaya mo p? kakayanin.
sure k n b? uhm, yes?
deal or no deal? NO DEAL!!!
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naantok ako ngayon.

pero ok lng. kasi minsan may naiisip ako na something great pag malapit na ako makatulog. yung halfway through unconciousness.

zzz...

sadly, hindi ito isa sa mga oras na yun.
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pero para di naman ako mapahiya, may po-post na rin akong creative output. maghahanap ako sa baul ko ng mga submitted thingy. w8 lang.

...
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[flash fiction na sinubmit ko sa cw10 class ko. ewan ko kung maganda, di ko alam grade ko dito eh. pero pde na rin cguro.]

The Moment Time Stopped

I heard the loud rustling of leaves as I felt the wind rushing at me as if I'm going to be blown away. I closed my eyes. I easily get blinded by the sand or whatever small matter carried by these gusts of air.

I slowly make my way through the unusually bare street, hands in pockets. It was noon, but instead of the sun sending me rays that can scorch my skin, the sky was dark with clouds, and now and then a clap of thunder rumbles. For some reason, my intuition tells me a rain isn't going to fall, at least not yet. Which is surprising, since most of the time I look forward to storms. Unlike some people who have this aversion to rain, I'm fond of it. Especially those typhoons, accompanied by tempests that induce every tree to stoop before its glory. It is when these storms come that I feel most connected with nature.

A few more blocks and I'm home.

Just last night my big brother Matt and I have a heated dispute. No, it was even more than that.

My brother is in law school, and a few years from now and he will hopefully become an attorney. I don't even have to hope for that, I'm sure he'll graduate and pass the bar with flying colors. Then law firms would try to recruit him.

Now I love my brother, even if we've clash more than enough times, he is still the one who punched the bully who bullied me, teached me how to boil water in a can using leaves as firewood, and has been the paragon of what I want to become until I find myself.Whenever we've had disputes I would always be the one who'll give in and apologize. After all, he's older, more experienced, so he's probably wiser.

But not this time.

I can't even remember how our dispute last night started. My memory of last night was vague, maybe because I've drunk two liters of beer before going to David's apartment and ask if I could stay for the night.

I remember Matt trying to talk to me, about what my plans in the future are, how do I see myself a few years from now. I haven't replied, we've had these kind of talks before, and I know how this will end up. My brother persisted, saying I'm already an adult and better get serious at planning for the future. I said I'm young, and I've just reached eighteen for God's sake, so he better stop because I'm starting to get so freaking pissed.

He asked me if I'll really go on with my plan to shift from my pre-med course to theater arts. I said yes. He asked me why. I said my heart just isn't in my course, that I couldn't continue studying something that isn't really my passion. I told him not to worry and just trust me.

He asked me what the heck I'm planning to do in my life. I said I'll become an artist. Artists are penniless, he said. "And what do you plan to do? Join some reality show that will exploit your being and give you some minutes of fame?"

Now I know that he's probably just concerned about me, but he's really crossing the line now. My eyes went black. I grabbed my glass of water and threw it at his feet. I cursed him for meddling in my decison, that he has no right, and I'll stand by my decision and he just have to live through with it. He grabbed my shoulders, yell at me for my stupidity, that I'm wasting my brain, and I yell at him as well for his narrow mind. We continued to yell at each other and was on the verge of brawling to prove our point.

We must have yelled quite loudly, because suddenly the door at my room opened loudly and dad came in. Dad was a big man, and he easily get between us and pull us from each other. He ask us what the heck was going on, but I pull myself from his grip and stormed out of the room. I passed by mom and my sister Gina who's in tears, but at that moment I couldn't even care.

~~~~~

One more block and I'm home.

I wonder how's everyone in the house doing. I'd probably get a hard lecture from dad, but I've already prepared myself from that. Besides, he's probably at work and won't get home until dinner. My brother has a mock trial today, so he's probably not home as well. My sister must have been at school, so that leaves mom to contend with.

In a distance I saw someone smoking outside our house, but I'm still too far to recognize whoever it is.

As I get nearer, I recognize who it is. I turned and backed away, I'm not yet ready to talk with him. Last night was enough. Besides I don't think he noticed me, so I could probably get away without him noticing.

He noticed me.

He called my name, but I pretended not to hear him. I continued to walk away, fastening my pace.

I heard him start walking toward me. We're in the middle of the road, but I don't care. There were only a few speeding cars on my way here. There shouldn't be any around.

"Look, about last night, I'm really s-"

I heard a collision, and I turned around.

I saw my brother's body as he rolled over the hood of the car and fell.

Time stopped. I can't believe what's happening. I ran towards my brother. I held his head and saw blood trickle across his forehead. I heard an animal-like scream I haven't even recognize as my own.

No. Don't do this. You can't. No.

I started to slap his cheek lightly, trying to put some color in his unusually pale face.

The driver of the vehicle get out and said something to me, seems to be saying sorry and something about a hospital, she's crying. I wasn't able to listen to her, I can't even seem to hear her, and for what seems like an eternity the world was just me laying there and holding my brother.